The origin of speeces...Tuna fish

In continuing with our earlier tales, the following is an excerpt from Alvin Darwin's book, "The origin of speeces."  As stated previously, Alvin Darwin was Charles Darwin's less intelligent brother who wrote a rip-off series of books.  The series included, the original, "The origin of speeces", the second, "Stuff you didn't know about stuff", and the third and largely acclaimed book, "Which animals are involved in the plan to take over the world."  This last book was taken from Alvin's misreading of, "Animal farm."

The following is an excerpt from the section titled, "Tuna fish."  Tuna fish are one of the most incredibly odd and useful off all animals in the animal kingdom.  It is a rare sight to see the lure and capture of these oceanic wonders.  A distant relative of the chicken family, the tuna is a long cylindrical fish which is easily duped into capture.  The common method of capture is to hold some candy at the end of a long metal cylindrical tube, into which the tuna will swim. Once the fish has wedged himself into the tube, the fish person (also known as the fish man, and the fish catching guy) chops the head and tail off.  This is a bloody sight and once caused the author to toss his cookies.  Oreo's to be exact.  

The metal tube is then sawed into smaller tins, the ends of which are capped, then sold at local markets.  A modern technique is to lure the tuna fish into a small foil package.  Once the fish is sealed into the foil package, the fish person mashes the foil package with a mallet.  These foil packages are sold with smaller packages of mayonaise and relish, with crackers.  Delicious.

It is unknown why the tuna fish developed into such a utilitarian creature, but many sandwiches and casseroles have convinced me to just be greatful for the bountiful harvest, which is the tuna fish.   The chicken from the sea.  

Alvin's brilliant findings inspire one to great thoughts, even today.  Let's eat.