Captain Magnum...

In a major metropolis, there lived a hero. Not just any hero, but a pretty good hero. His name? Captain Magnum. Captain Magnum had magnificent mental mind powers the likes the world had never seen (except once in a movie about mind powers, but that was totally made up). Captain Magnum scoured the back alleys and boroughs for crime. Not just any crime, but really bad crime. Criminal crime. Really bad criminal crime.

Captain Magnum's secret identity was that of Bruce Mingo, lowly account temp from Nowheresville Kentucky. Yeah, you heard it. Kentucky. I didn't even know that place still existed.

Unfortunately for the fair citizens of this metropolis, Captain Magnum was really just Bruce Mingo. You see, Mr. Mingo contracted a rare brain inflamation disease while on vacation in the Bahamas. He'd won the trip on a radio contest. If he wasn't so crazy, he would have wished he would have changed the channel that fateful day.

Bruce Mingo only thought that he was Captain Magnum. Bruce Mingo was after all crazy. I mean, really crazy. Like the kind of crazy that should be locked away in some scary looking castle, slash, mental instution where freaky brain experiments are conducted on his...um...brain.

In the wee hours of the morning, between midnight and like around four thirty, Bruce (a.k.a. Captain Magnum) would wander through the alleyways fighting what he perceived as criminal activity. Really bad criminal activity. The thing is, is that the activity was just like regular everyday activity. Things like picking up the paper, and walking the dog and stuff like that.

Bruce Mingo would lurk in the shadows and when he saw such activity, he would jump out and use his mind powers to defeat the "criminals." This usually consisted of placing his index and middle fingers on his temples and squinting profusely at his intended victims. In Bruce's mind, he was forming and shooting a mind ray into his opponent's mind, causing an immediate explosion of millions of synapses (synapsis? sinapseese? I'm not really sure). In reality, he was just kind of annoying people. Once he did manage to cause a severe, but not lethal case of irritatation in a mail delivery person.

There is no end to this story. Bruce Mingo (a.k.a. Captain Magnum) still wanders the streets of the metropolis. Perhaps he's keeping the streets of your town safe from all the as-of-yet-unannoyed paper picker uppers, and dog walkers, and mail delivery persons. Perhaps you'll see him some early morning and know to not only fear, but respect...Captain Magnum.

The end...or is it?