Hi, I’m Don LaRankle, dog bite enthusiast. I’ve been bitten by more than 200 dog breeds, more than 2000 times. Chances are, if you have a dog and live in the greater Scranton area, I’ve been bitten by your dog.
It all started when I was but a young boy, riding my bicycle on my paper route. The neighbors, the Johnsons, had a large Alaskan Malamute. It was very distempered and acted as such. Every time I rode my bike past the Johnsons’ house, the large Malamute would come out and chase after me. Luckily, I only got bit a few times, as we lived in Arizona where it was very hot and the dog would pant so much he’d have to stop.
Though only being bit a few times, I knew what I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to collect bites from every kind of dog ever invented. So far, I have amassed quite a collection. Even though I am banned from most SPCA clinics and Dog shows, I am hopeful that I will achieve my goal by the time I’m 40.
Most people ask what I’m going to do with a collection of dog bites. To them I say that I am going to write my memoirs, “Dog bit.” It will have a pop-up section where you can feel the actual scars left from each attack.
My current job search includes collecting dog bites (of course) and volunteering at Police Departments who can’t afford bite sleeves for their K-9 programs.
My current dog-bite goals include, the Sharpe, the Doberman Pincer (ouch), the Schnauzer, the Nova Scotia Duck Trolling Retriever (very rare), and a Golden Retriever. That last one is a real shocker. You’d think that you could find ONE Golden Retriever in the greater Scranton area. YOU’D THINK!!!
So, my quest continues. If you have any of the above listed dog breeds, I’d love to hear from you. I pay all doctor bills or any veterinary bills that come from any of the occasional cross species diseases that migrate one way or the other (it was rumored that I was responsible for the Shih Tzu flu of '87 but that was never any conclusive proof on that one). I have all my shots, and am a Gold Member at the Scranton Community Hospital.
Thank you for your consideration.
Don LaRankle
President – Don LaRankle’s Dog Bite Collections, Inc.
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It all started when I was but a young boy, riding my bicycle on my paper route. The neighbors, the Johnsons, had a large Alaskan Malamute. It was very distempered and acted as such. Every time I rode my bike past the Johnsons’ house, the large Malamute would come out and chase after me. Luckily, I only got bit a few times, as we lived in Arizona where it was very hot and the dog would pant so much he’d have to stop.
Though only being bit a few times, I knew what I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to collect bites from every kind of dog ever invented. So far, I have amassed quite a collection. Even though I am banned from most SPCA clinics and Dog shows, I am hopeful that I will achieve my goal by the time I’m 40.
Most people ask what I’m going to do with a collection of dog bites. To them I say that I am going to write my memoirs, “Dog bit.” It will have a pop-up section where you can feel the actual scars left from each attack.
My current job search includes collecting dog bites (of course) and volunteering at Police Departments who can’t afford bite sleeves for their K-9 programs.
My current dog-bite goals include, the Sharpe, the Doberman Pincer (ouch), the Schnauzer, the Nova Scotia Duck Trolling Retriever (very rare), and a Golden Retriever. That last one is a real shocker. You’d think that you could find ONE Golden Retriever in the greater Scranton area. YOU’D THINK!!!
So, my quest continues. If you have any of the above listed dog breeds, I’d love to hear from you. I pay all doctor bills or any veterinary bills that come from any of the occasional cross species diseases that migrate one way or the other (it was rumored that I was responsible for the Shih Tzu flu of '87 but that was never any conclusive proof on that one). I have all my shots, and am a Gold Member at the Scranton Community Hospital.
Thank you for your consideration.
Don LaRankle
President – Don LaRankle’s Dog Bite Collections, Inc.
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