The origin of specees...cows.

It is a little known fact that the Darwin family produced many talented and scientifically minded children. Floyd Darwin specialized in the study of avian depression. Devin Darwin was well noted for his research into the dating habits of the Polish stink beetle. The least of these brothers was Alvin. Alvin Darwin was a somewhat dull and unoriginal person and had a difficult time finding his niche in life.

Following his brother Charles' success, Alvin decided to write his own book. It was called, "The origin of specees." Alvin was not very good at spelling, which ironically kept him out of a copyright lawsuit with his brother. Alvin did not know the correct designations of the animal kingdom, so he catagorized his findings into the more pedantic vernacular. Chapters which should have been titled, "Lacertilia Amphibisbaenia" were simply labeled, "lizards and stuff." This unfortunately caused an entire branch of science to be born, that is recognized as legitimate in a few third world countries and some boroughs in Pennsylvania.

The following is a post from Alvin Darwin's "The origin of specees", entitled, "Cows." Cows are an oft misunderstood creature. Cows are basically slower and somewhat less attractive horses. If horses had dances, then cows would be the ones sitting on the side, wondering why their mother made them come to the event. After all, she was married at twelve and dancing was not allowed by her particular form of Baptist faith.

Cows were originally from the Antarctic. Cows were well known fisherman who migrated with the penguins. Cows and penguins lived in relative peace and harmony until the great penguin uprising in the third century. This was a bloody revolution wherein several cows were visciously nibbled until severely chaffed. There was no actual blood loss, but it made the previous sentence sound much more exciting.

Cows developed a blowhole and swam to north america. These cows were called "Whale cows" and will be discussed in a later chapter. Once upon firm American land, these "Whale cows" shed their now useless blowholes, trading them in for more fashionable "nose holes." There is a small group of "Whale cows" called Manitees that now inhabit the upper Manitoba region and it's surrounding lakes.

Cows are not to be trusted as they are manipulative card players and frequently tell fibs about their "whereabouts" on particular dates and times. Cows do give some nice milk, but some suspect that this is only part of a more diabolical scheme to gain world domination.

As you can see, Alvin was right on so many levels. Stay tuned for more of Alvin Darwin's "Origin of Specees".