The world's greatest super hero...

Phil. That's what they call me. That is of course those who live in the real world...those who don't know the real me...or the life I lead. I am a super hero. I save lives.

There's another group of people. People who take things from others, hit them and stuff, and do other crime things. Criminals. They know me by a name too. Phil. My super hero name is also Phil, so as to not confuse things. I've got alot on my plate.

Super hero's such as myself have quite alot of things to deal with as you might imagine. Crime. Other super hero's trying to slip in on your turf. Accessorizing. Yeah, you heard right. Accessorizing. You might have totally kung-fu skills, but if you show up with your cape not matching your unitard...super headache. Whiffle girl still hasn't stopped teasing me about that one. She's one to talk. Making whiffling sounds isn't much of a super power.

Not like mine that is. My power? I knew you'd ask. My super power is dodging. I can totally dodge like, six or seven things. Perhaps you want to throw some scissors, or candy, or tennis balls at me? Childs play.

Captain Evilbad once threw like five bowling balls at me. Totally dodged them.

I was fairly impressed that he was able to even pick up five bowling balls. I tried it later and it wasn't as easy as it looked.

Anyway, here I watch. Waiting for the opportunity to dodge some criminals straight into jail. That's not very easy, but it's kind of like a three rights making a left thing. They run at me and I dodge a whole bunch of times, so that the last time they run at me, I dodge and they run right into the jail cell. Sweet.

You'd think that the criminals would just stop running at me after a while. Two things help me in this regard. One, the criminal mind is dumb. The second, is that I am pretty good at taunting them into chasing me. One of my favorites is, "Hey, you're a really bad criminal and I am currently dating your sister and making her hold the door for me." It drives them insane. It's like catnip, but for criminals...and without the cats.

The cops didn't like it all that much before I earned super hero status. I didn't have a key to the department and the next day there'd be like a stack of twenty or so criminals stacked up in front of the front door. They were like little birds that didn't see the glass.

So next time you think of committing crime, remember, Phil's watching you. Phil's always watching.