The absolutely biggest pumpkin pie ever in the world...

There once was a very fat baker named Smith. Smith was renown for his work in the cupcake arena and for his invention of "cremed" fillings. While it took several years to perfect this whipped delight, Smith endured failure after failure to achieve this, his ultimate success.

Despite his culinary victory, Smith was not satisfied. "There must be something out there that can satisfy my need for greatness." he thought. Smith thought and thought. What was it that would bring him even greater happiness and success than cremed fillings? There must be something.

Day and night, Smith pored over recipes and sweat over his drawing board. This as you might imagine, was a great deal of sweat and made it difficult for his pencil to properly mark the paper. Smith could not sleep at night. He could not eat during the day (this may or may not be somewhat of an exageration).

One day, Smith was enjoying a small and delicious personal sized pie. "This is a small, but delicious personal sized pie. It brings me such happiness and enjoyment." Smith's gaze fixed on the pie as his mind tried to seize upon an elusive thought that wandered about the ether of his mind. "What is it...what is it...what is it?" he whispered to himself.

In a flash of foodular genius, Smith grasped the vague thought. "YES! I shall make the world's largest pie ever concocted in the history of the entire world!" Smith blurted out. Patrons stared, but he did not care. He knew that he was on to the previously unknown meaning of his life. This was going to be the pinnacle of his career.

"It shall be a large pie, in fact the world's largest...but what KIND of pie should I make?" Smith wondered. "Why what better pie than that of a pumpkin pie!"

Smith rented a truck and a medium sized hand cart. He set to work in the basement of his bakery. Night and day, day and night. Trucks came incessently day and night to deliver products necessary to make the pie. An entire field of pumpkins was cleared to suffice Smith's needs. Smith was a wildcat of motion as he sunk deeper and deeper into his work. Hours turned into days...days turned into weeks...weeks turned into three and a half months, which is like some months and some days put together, but there is no real description for that measurement of time.

At last the day came. School children and homeless had gathered in a massive hungry vigil, each hoping for a slice of the world's largest pie. All waited with bated breath, some even had baited breath. This is often a hotly debated topic, but those in the know realize that the later means that they were probably eating sardines, or salmon eggs.

With a whoosh, the large barn sized doors swung wide. With a squish, the onlooker's eyes opened wide with awe. The largest smell of pumpkin pie ever to grace the earth flooded out onto the crowd, practically knocking them over. Children in the first three rows developed several cavities on site, and three diabetics had to be rushed to the hospital.

There behind the cloud of flour, a rotund silhouetted form emerged. Here, standing before them was the master chef. The one who brought forth this behemoth of flavor. The one who would go down in history as the one who did the unthinkably wonderful.

The crowd tensed as Smith called for a hush. They leaned inward as a palpable hush settled all around. "It is..." Smith began, as the onlookers stared at his lips as if to will the next words into existence. "It is...not finished!" Looks of complete confusion crossed the faces of everyone. "What the...?" They muttered simultaneously in disbelief.

"Yeah, I totally forgot to put salt in the mix and it tastes really bad. So go home." And with that, they went home.

The end.